I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
