Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Can I color on your dick again?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
