i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
