Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
