I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm both gender and math confused
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
