is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
