I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
