If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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