You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
