Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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