i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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