just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
