All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
