I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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