i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
