Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dear god my vagina.
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