is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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