my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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