Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
