How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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