the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
