Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
