Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
