i think my tv is drunk
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
