I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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