So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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