I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
