Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
