i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
