This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
