the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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