I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
