I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
