I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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