Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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