hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
