The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
