Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
