No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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