I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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