seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
