CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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