that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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