I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
