just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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