pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
