I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
