i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
