So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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