The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Still dying that you shit outside
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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