I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The uberlube is also flammable
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
