they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
