She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
