Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
