Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
