Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
